Staying in my comfort to stay present
Happy 2024!
Hello, friends.
As usual I was going to start by noting and apologizing for being absent the past few months, but I’m just going to stop doing that at this point and just start talking to you as if I’ve been in touch regularly.
Lately I’ve been feeling like I’ve been drained of all my energy. I think this feeling has probably been shared by a lot of us for one reason or another. I had to go to the office on January 2 after a long-weekend and I felt like getting out of bed was impossible to do and felt very bad for it because we’d just gotten 2 days off, in addition to the weekend and I expected to feel more well-rested. What I found is that most of us at work that day were so exhausted that being functional at work that day was as difficult and frustrating as being obliged to go to your least favorite tante’s useless gathering.
And I mean, what was I expecting? For us to feel refreshed and just totally start anew when we’ve weathered a few months of hell on a work-level, personal level and global affairs level? I do believe in magic, but for us to get there would need some heavy-duty magic that even Harry Potter couldn’t muster at this point.
I feel like there’s always these hopes and expectations of the new year bringing us newness: new self, new goals, new intentions, new energy. And I mean, sure, it probably is a good opportunity to draw a new blank page. But I’ve always felt this kind of pressure that your new year’s eve and the first day of the new year needs to be great to set you up for a great year, which is kind of similar to my expectations of my birthday — that it’s going to be this magnanimously great day, with the sun shining and the birds chirping, serenading me and acting around me as though I’m Cinderella or Snow White, which alas, I have not yet achieved although I am proud to share that this one time a butterfly landed on my leg while I was sitting in a park and stayed there peacefully for a while. In my very humble opinion and experience, January is probably the worst month to start anything new given that it’s probably the coldest, dreariest month of the year and we rarely feel like moving or going anywhere.
Last year, around new year’s time, I remember reading a post by a friend of mine explaining that in ancient times, people used to celebrate the new year in spring, because nature is being reborn. I felt like this made so much sense to me. It was one of those aha! moments for me. Spring, although not the friendliest season for those with asthma or sinus issues, is a great time because it is when everything that was dead or in a deep slumber during winter is reborn and brought back to life. It’s always symbolized hope for me, especially in school when it meant that we’re getting closer to the end of the school year (lol).
This is one of those instances when I feel I can deeply relate and be connected with my Persian ancestry since to this day Nowruz, the Persian New Year, is still celebrated.
So this year, I tried not to pay too much attention to the “new year” and taking it at face value and just continuing to try and take care of myself and taking it easy and not putting too much pressure on starting anything “new” just yet. Yes, I have hopes and aspirations for this year, especially because you keep seeing all these messages around you on social media that this year will bring you this and that and especially if you follow a million horoscope pages (guilty!), but I’ve just decided to take it slow and easy, prioritize my rest and comfort until I can start my new year and hopefully be more energized.
I think I came to this realization in part also because I’m trying to be more in tune with myself and my needs. Of course, with the fast pace that everything has these days and with the awful events we keep reading about on social media and in the news, it is easy to lost ourselves and surrender to the doom and gloom of the world — which sadly I kind of do at times, and that’s alright as well. It’s just about snapping back out of it and trying to offset this with something that we can do for ourselves, for our physical and mental well-being.
So for now, I’m just trying to stay more present and more connected to what I truly need while maneuvering life, obligations and commitments.
Things I’ve consumed/ last musings:
This reel that I found recently in my “Saved” that was a bit sobering for me in terms of how it broke down 5 days that we need as part of our routines and schedules
I recently finished Yellowface which I found very entertaining albeit the protagonist probably being one of the most psychopathic characters I’d ever read
This article on how it’s fine to be tired but there’s a good tired and a depleted of any energy tired which I read on this week’s This Needs Hot Sauce newsletter, which is one of my favorite reads here on Substack.
And last but not least, keep talking about Gaza, helping any way you can and calling for a ceasefire.
Until next time!
xoxo,
Nolly