Reflections on First Impressions
Working on your exterior and interior
Hello friends and welcome to a new issue of La Boheme.
So I often just get this random - or actually not so random - reflection about my friends. It can happen after a regular day-to-day conversation or after a heart-to-heart one, so there's really no rule other than that of my brain, which totally has a mind of its own. That reflection has to do with how I met a person and how we ended up here, as friends. A lot of times I start tracing back our friendship as if I'm walking through a timeline which you'd add in a client presentation, trying to remember all the milestones that we've gone through together and that defined our friendship. I think a lot of times, I find myself missing a pocket of time where things actually flipped from just acquaintances to friends or from friends to best friends, I guess in part because this is something that includes a lot of elements that aren't really deliberately planned but that usually happen organically.
I remember in 9th grade, my class was on a school trip and we were camping for a night at the desert. And as you would do in a desert where there's nothing much to do other than count stars at night, we started playing games. One that was interesting to me was on first impressions. We were a newly formed class then. Until 8th grade, we had all been in the same class with the same people since first grade, some people even since kindergarten. Ninth grade marked the beginning of high school, which meant that the two classes were going to be assigned according to which certification you were planning on graduating with. So were essentially two big groups that came together knowing little about one another and had the awareness of adolescence vs. the awareness of kindergarteners when it came to choosing your friends or getting a certain impression about someone. I think until that point in 9th grade, I had never stopped and thought about my first impression of anyone and vice versa. I guess maybe that's due to the fact that I was mostly around people I had known pretty much my entire life so it seemed that reflecting on how I perceived someone for the first time was sort of a novelty.
The idea of first impressions came my way again recently because I saw this quote while I was browsing social media last week:
“What you wear is how you present yourself to the world.” - Miuccia Prada
For a long time, and I think in part until now as well, this is something that I kind of lived by. And in part it does hold true. The exterior. That's the first thing that a person sees and perceives of someone they meet for the first time. How they look, what they're wearing, how they're holding themselves, their gests and body language. Our brains are always trying to identify whoever we're dealing with as something so it starts to create an image of the person using the data it has for now. That's why we put a lot of effort into what we wear when going to meet someone for the first time, on occasions where you know you'll be meeting new people or a lot of people you haven't seen for a while and things like job interviews and client meetings. You want to be perceived as a certain person, whether professional, neat, tidy, in control of your life, stylish, fashionable, you name it.
However, clothes does not a person make. Which is ironic coming from me because I clearly define and express myself to a great extent through how I dress.
I think the first time that hit me in the face was when my ex-boyfriend was about to meet my mum for the first time and I was asking him what he was going to wear. I obviously can't remember now what exactly he said at that point, but he said something along the lines of "I think your mum would care more about how I am as a person rather than what I'm wearing." I think younger me at that point felt both frustration and understanding. I had a mini aha-moment where I was like "You know what, he does have a point." And I realized at that moment that, like a true superficial libra, I probably put a little more focus on the external than the internal. And I've realized that we take the time to take care of our "external beauty" like get our hair done, get our nails done, buy and wear nice clothes, etc. but when it comes to taking care of our internal, be it our mental health or growth, we some how don't have the same amount of time for that. Of course this statement isn't universally true or accurate, some people do put time into internal rather than external, it's just that all that internal work takes up at least 100X more effort and time than that external effort.
So here's another paragraph where I proceed to tell you what I actually mean and not mean by this previous banter :D
I think what I want to tell both you and myself through all of this is this: Don't get caught up into your external and not prioritize your internal. It's perfectly fine to want to wear beautiful clothes and look beautiful and well put together because that also reflects on your internal state. When you feel that you look good and are comfortable in what you're wearing that reflects on your inner state and how you carry yourself and present yourself to the real world. With that being said, if you don't work on your internal and be comfortable there on your own, then that exterior will just be that - an exterior, a façade that people see but that isn't backed by anything or might be backed by something which isn't stable. So the softest wind of uncertainty might knock it down and off course.
Keep it stylish and (mentally and physically) comfortable.
Things I’ve consumed the past couple of weeks:
The White Lotus: Clearly, the most talked about show and most anticipated finale this season. I’d had the show on my to-watch list for a while now and with the launch of season two decided to inhale the first season and start the second season in two days. If you haven’t watched the show yet, I highly recommend you do. If you’re done with the show and are looking for something else to watch, here are some recommendations for you:
Harry & Meghan: The second most anticipated and talked about show following Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s story starting with how they met and ending with their stepping down as working senior royals. I personally didn’t really follow along what was going on throughout their marriage and years when they were officially doing royal family duties, so it was interesting and to be honest, I think their love story is quite cute and definitely speaks to the hopeless romantic in me.
The best date spread: It’s my annual holiday tradition for me to go to the Christmas Bazaar of the German School in Dokki and a friend of mine stopped by this stall that sold various date products, one of which is this truly marvelous date spread, which is the best spread I’ve tasted in a while. They have it in various flavors, including cinnamon, espresso and hazelnut. I’ve been having it for breakfast with some peanut butter on toast and it’s super filling, yummy and I’d like to think healthy(ish).
Book Recommendations: I found this UH-MAZING list of book recommendations from NPR over the past 10 years and it includes each and every genre which has ever existed.
Wednesday: Finally, this brilliant new show by Tim Burton is highly entertaining and has introduced Jenna Ortega to my life, who’s a brilliant actor. Also, absolutely obsessed with her dance in episode 4 of the show.