Erised tsepeed ruoy gnimialcer
Translated: Reclaiming your deepest desire, an ode to Harry Potter, youth and Josh Charles
Hello, friends. I’ve been trying to find ways to enjoy life more lately because I’ve gone through a spell of utter and complete apathy and emotional numbness. My brain has been working non-stop, which is nothing new really, on assessing the various aspects of my life, judging myself and reminiscing on the past and what could have been. I was doing that last week when a certain thought lingered a bit longer and really gave me a good pang of nostalgia and made me feel something as if I was reliving a moment. So one of the first things that I do when I get home is wash my hands and feet. It’s become a ritual really and with anything ritualistic often comes “deep reflection.” As I was doing so some time last week, I started singing in my brain an old song that we used to sing in middle school. It’s called “Rock my soul in the bosom of Abraham,” which is for those who don’t know (and obviously can’t guess… jk), a spiritual gospel song. For some reason, this song and singing it is one of the core memories of my middle school years. It’s one of those songs that just keep popping up in my head for reasons I don’t fully understand; I mean I could be walking up to the ATM, waiting for the machine to register my card and the song will randomly pop up in my head. I could be walking to the grocery store to get some yogurt, and the song will randomly pop up. I was trying to trace why this song is so significant to me, for reasons other than its catchy tune, and I keep coming back to it, I remembered my introduction to it. The day we sang this song for the first time in school I actually wasn’t there. I was at home sick and I remember being told about it by my best friend when she was calling me to give me the run down of what we’d taken that day at school, homework, etc. She told me that one of our friends had asked (almost out loud) “Does Abraham have a bosom?”, to which, like any pre-hormonal middle schoolers would do, everyone started laugh. I remember that I started laughing as well and that every time we’d sing this song, I’d remember our friend’s question and snicker a bit.
Recalling this memory made me quite warm and fuzzy on the inside. It arose this nostalgic feeling in me that made me long for those school days and having my friends call me when sick to brief me on what happened at school. Of course, I couldn’t care less about the schoolwork, but I think what I miss is that familial part of being with your friends all day, living through the same things, trying to avoid the same things (and teachers lol) and feeling like we belonged or didn’t belong to something together. I miss this communal feeling. I miss those silly moments when we learned something new and tied it to something incredibly hysteric and absurd. I miss that carefree nature we had, although at the time it didn’t feel carefree, but rather stressful. I miss the excitement of newness. When you’re young, everything is new to you. You’re learning new things, experiencing new things.
As you grow older, the ratio of newness in your life dips drastically, unless you ensure that you experience new things deliberately. But it’s so easy to fall into a trap of routine, which takes over you and drowns you, sucking out your energy for seeking out enjoyment and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone to simply live life. So lately I’ve been balancing this fine line between nostalgia with all its warmth and melancholia with all its darkness. As much as holding on to nice memories can be a beautiful and important thing in life, at a certain point if taken too far will pull you down into the dungeon of beautiful memories that, like mermaids or sirens, look beautiful but will try to drown you if you get into the water. (I’m so proud of this metaphor :D - i hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it and I hope you’re enjoying this commentary where I try to lighten the mood a little). A lot of times, this is the fine line that I tread, tipping slightly over that dungeon area and start wallowing internally.
I was re-watching Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone for the umpteenth time and partly to encourage a friend of mine to watch it as well, when the scene of the Mirror of Erised came up. Of course the words of Albus Dumbledore are rather on the scarce side, but always hit the point. For those of you who haven’t watched or read Harry Potter (BIG SHAME ON YOU- Leave whatever you’re doing and go read/ watch- I’d recommend watching and then reading because whereas the movies are beautiful, the books are an absolute joyride!): the mirror of Erised is a mirror which Harry discovers in his first year at Hogwarts and when he glances at his reflection in it, he sees his parents. Later on, when Dumbledore finds him there he tells him the following:
“It shows us nothing more or less than the deepest and most desperate desires of our hearts,” and then he says:
"This mirror gives us neither knowledge nor truth; men have wasted away in front of it, even gone mad," and then finally:
"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."
In the book, it is explained that“Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi,” is engraved at the top of it. Read backwards, like a mirror image, the message says, “I show not your face but your heart's desire.” Erised = Desire.
So what is our lesson today kids? Dreams are great because Dumbledore also said:
“For in dreams we enter a world that is entirely our own. Let them swim in the deepest ocean, or glide over the highest cloud.”
however, tread with caution. Don’t solely live in your dream world and forget to live in the real world. I totally understand the drive behind wanting to escape the real world because as my therapist told me (or similarly): Life can sometimes be like an amazing steak that only needs some salt and pepper, if even, and sometimes it’s like a really bad burnt steak that needs a cocktail of sauces and condiments to make it edible. Thus is life, in need of some.. spice to make the medicine go down.
If I can keep up this winning streak of writing, I’ll attempt to share ways as to how I’m attempting to add that spice.. or maybe not. Who knows?!
What I’ve been doing/ reading/ watching lately:
Let me tell you, I’ve been absolutely doing nothing! other than go to work and come home to binge watch The Good Wife. I know I’m super late to the game, but better late than never. It’s such a great show, really greatly written and with some stellar acting and actors. It has rekindled my love for Josh Charles, which some of you would know as Knox Overstreet in Dead Poets Society, my favorite movie of all time, which I always somehow manage to mention in 80% of my newsletters. Here’s an ode to him that just nails why he’s 120% falling-in-loveable and how boyishly charming and real he is.
I just finished reading I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith, which is a beautifully written novel which will immerse you into the life of a 1920s English family who’s broke but living in a run-down castle, just to be fished out of near poverty by the American inheritors of the castle and estate. It’s Jane Austen meets Nora Ephron. The main character is so refreshingly naive but hyper observational in the best way possible. Fun fact: Dodie Smith is actually the writer of a 101 Dalmatians, in case you were wondering. And while writing this I discovered that the book was adapted into a movie in 2003 which you can be sure I’ll fish out and watch, hoping that it’s not an utter flop.
I’s recommend watching this graduation speech by Ayman Mohyeldin, the MSNBC Commentator. It’ll inspire you and give you hope to find your purpose and move with it and through it.
And here are some random posts I saved on IG for inspiration:
Replace this with June Vibe, won’t make much of a difference, except maybe the heat, but also minus the dust (if you’re living in Egypt)
How I’ve been feeling lately:
Until next time, xoxo
With love,
Nolly